Calling Dr. Bombay Emergency Please Come Right Away

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I don’t like to complain about ANYONE, but sometimes the need presents itself.  At my fpoe (former place of employment) one of my fellow associates seemed to get more than his fair share of personal phone calls during the day.  One day while at the service desk, I counted at least 10 unnecessary pages to call him to the phone.  Ironically, one of which was his wife calling him to compare the price of an item to another stores price of a similar product.  Needless to say, this genius did not last as long as I.  No, I did not get him in trouble.

I understand the need for a periodic phone call while on the job for important things, but as many as 10 IN ONE EIGHT HOUR SHIFT?!  But it seems to be happening again.  Its as if I can answer the phone and know precisely who it is for even when that person is not working that day.  Of course, I have been known to make a phone call while at the store.  One incident included calling a friend while being alone and not having had a customer for 30 minutes right before closing.

NOT FOR THE FAINT OF STOMACH

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Over the many years I have been employed in retail, I have had several horror stories. Today, I had one involving a vendor and our restroom. The person who regularly brings in our daily supply of nation wide chain donuts had to use of facilities. Shortly after he returned, our assistant manager had to visit the lavatory. Minutes later, I was called to the front and was advised to go and look in the bathroom. I had my suspicions and said… that is ok, I can use my imagination. Shortly thereafter, I was informed that our delivery man must have had a weak bladder as there was a rather sizable puddle covering much of our rather small bathroom floor. To make matters worse, the sink was totally dry, no indication that he had washed after he missed the stool. The female cashier and I had a short debate concerning male and female bathroom practices. The result of the incident resulted in a phone call to the donut distributor. I wonder if this particular driver will be making any deliveries anytime soon or if he does, will he be able to look at the store in the same light. I feel sorry for the next stop on his route.  One thing is for sure, I will definitely not be eating any of their donuts for quite a while. Kind of reminiscent of a creamed chicken sandwich incident at a wedding reception. This deliveryman must qualify for a real genius.

Genius At Work

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This evening I took a jaunt to our local community theatre for a combined play reading/production meeting.  I believe that the entire meeting lasted 45 minutes and in those 45 minutes all I recall accomplishing is finding out that work we have done for nearly 3 months has gotten us nowhere man.  In May, we were to submit by the end of June a proposal for the 2009-2010 season.  Fine, we do that;  HOWEVER, the board who was to vote on our proposal did not meet to vote on our proposal.  In fact, it sounded like one (maybe even two) of our proposals would be nixed.  One of the reasons presented for one of the shows to be axed is because an area high school may be doing it.  Why should this matter?  We are not a high school putting on an annual play.  I still hear people comment that they do not know of the existence of a live community theatre house even from those who live in the town.  High schools present shows to perform, mainly, for parents and grandparents (with some exceptions).  Community theatre attempts to perform for a broader audience: the theatre-loving audience… not just those people who come to see a show to see junior on stage.  It’s also nice when it can attract more non-traditional audience members.

My question is this: If we are to ax a show because a high school may be doing it in the same season, then are we to survey each school in the area to see if any of the shows are identical?  Who acquiesces and allows the other group to do the show?

Another issue was addressed on choosing directors for shows.  I was floored when I heard that another person wanted to direct a show that someone else was planning and ready to submit for approval.  How unfair?!  A person who was concentrating on independently bringing a show and then all of a sudden someone else wants to direct it?  This of course was one of the other possibly axed shows.  I just don’t know, but it sounds like we have a lot of geniuses at work here.

The Best Man For The Job

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When choosing a best man for a wedding, a future groom generally would believe that the person asked to stand with him on his wedding day would actually show up.  Tuesday night, my cousin’s fiance found out that his best man had to work Saturday, the day of the wedding.  DUHHHHHHH!!! How long in advance was the ceremony scheduled?  I knew last May on which date the ceremony was going to be.  One has to wonder where this “best man’s” priorities lied.

Never fear, there were back ups in place.  Hopefully, one who fit the tux.  One was the groom’s brother Eric who was arriving from Pennsylvania with his boyfriend, Jamie on Tuesday.  Eric was already serving as an usher.

The other was a former schoolmate and friend of the groom.  In the end, the schoolmate was chosen.

So when choosing your best man, maid (matron) of honor, be sure that they will actually be able to schedule your ceremony around their busy life.

CHEAP (yet ingenious) RATINGS PLOY

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SPOILERS AHEAD:

IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THE 3-27 EPISODE OF ARE YOU SMARTER THAN A 5TH GRADER (AND CARE TO) SKIP THIS POST)

Last thursday night on the coming attraction for tonight’s “Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader”, it was announced that someone gets to the million dollar question and answers it. I was totally flabergasted that they would actually announce that someone would finally win the top prize more than a year after the show first aired. Then I remembered watching “Live with Regis and Kelly” (or was it Kathie Lee at the time…. who cares). On one particular morning, Regis announced that on that very night someone would win a million on “Who Wants to be a Millionaire.” At the time, it seemed exciting and of course I watched. I even remember the question (Which president made an appearance on the television series “Laugh In?”). Over the past few years, it seems like a cheap way to increase ratings.

It seemed like deja-vu while watching 5th Grader until the contestant who graduated from UCLA and has an MBA from USC got to the second question:

“What is the subject of the following sentence? Sierra baked a cake for Olivia.” He even got the three choices:

A: pronoun; B: proper noun; C: common noun

Unfortunately, this smart (?) guy thought the subject of the sentence was “cake” so he chose answer C. Sorry to say, the fifth grade student who could have saved him also chose the wrong answer. So the bright guy who knew he would be the first million dollar winner on the show flunked out on the second question and went home with nothing.

AH, but wait….. since the man was sooooo sure that he would not only get to the top question but answer it correctly, Jeff showed the question and it was answered correctly.

I guess the advertisement did not say that the million dollars was actually won only that the question was asked and answered. CHEAP RATINGS PLOY. If it were five days from now, some would have shouted “APRIL FOOLS!!!

A Stick Figure Role-Playing Game.

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It took me 8 minutes to win this game.  It will probably take you much longer.

[swf]http://www.gigarcade.com/swf/20136.swf[/swf]

More Great Movie Titles

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To keep up with both blogs, allow me to post some  more wonderfully hideous titles and synopses.  OR…. lets make it even more fun.  I will give a list of titles and synopses.  See if you can guess which one contains the actual description.

1. Been Down So Long It Looks Like Up To Me.  The story of a young child who falls into a well and finds herself in another world populated by giant red ants.

2. Fat Guy Goes Nutzoid.  A large man with a Mohawk haircut escapes from a mental hospital and becomes the friend of two rich kids.

3.  Night of the Day of the Dawn of the Son of the Bride of the Return of the Terror of the Attack of the Evil, Mutant,  Hellbound,  Flesh-Eating Subhumanoid Zombified Living Dead, Part 3.        A horror movie  aficinado takes her fascination too far when she unearths the remains of Dr. Frankenstein, Count Dracula, The Mummy, and The Creature from the Black Lagoon.

Come On, Get Happy

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The last job I would ever even consider having is a school bus driver. Not only do you have to put up with crabby, rowdy children for up to two hours a day while trying to get them safely to and from school, you have to put up with their guardians. My mother drives a school bus. She is up at 6am ever morning. She drives a morning route, a kindergarten route, and the afternoon route. Last Tueday NIGHT, the grandmother of one of these tykes visited our humble abode. It seems that her car was totally ruined and completely undrivable after my mother backed into it with a bus that morning. The woman stated that she was outside in the yard at the time of the incident. Yet she did not attempt to stop the bus or call the school or police after she watched the bus damage her vehicle. Not only that, but who would wait until 9 o’ clock that night to do anything about it. Plus, if the car was damaged as badly as it was claimed to be would the bus driver or kids not have noticed hitting it?

The next day the sheriff’s department came to the house to investigate. Apparently, the victim’s automobile was not nearly as damaged as everyone was lead to believe. To make matters seem funnier or more ironic, the woman is the mother of the rather plump boy who broke my sister’s arm in phys ed nearly 20 years ago when he sat on it while playing scooterboard hockey. It does not take a genius to realize that you should report an accident immediately after it happens and not 14 hours later.

Why the Cubs will NEVER win a World Series!

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cubs-sign.jpg

The Cubs don’t just lose.  They lose with style.  They find new ways to make people say to themselves “I can’t believe the Cubs found a way to choke again!”  But why do they keep losing?  Is it a CURSE?  Yes it is…  But it has nothing to do with goats and everything to do with dollars.

You see, a franchise that has build a cult-like following on the platform of being “Lovable Losers” needs to maintain their status to keep their following.  And the following is where the money is…

Take the Chicago White Sox for example.  They won a World Series not too long ago.  But now, that is history and they are no longer selling out every game and in the national spotlight.  They have no story.  They are just another team that wins some and loses some.

But, to be a money machine you MUST have a story.  You must either be a big winner (like the Yankees) or a big loser (like the Cubs).  If you’re just floating around in the middle, you are not a story.  You are no longer the eternal undergdogs everyone roots for on the side.  You are…  Just another baseball team.

If the Cubs were to win a World Series, Lovable Loser would no longer fit.  And unless they could consistantly win, neither would the title of Elite Team.  So, I wouldn’t expect to see the Cubs winning a World Series any time soon.  They will always be a devistating injury, botched play, or Steve Bartman away.

Because baseball is a business and a good story is good for business.

Barack Obama or Hillary Clinton a New President for the Democrats?

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So, another election year is upon us and guess what…  We’re deciding between a black man and a white woman.  Either decision will result in the potential for “something new” in the Whitehouse.

But you have to ask yourself…  Are they really going to be any different?  After all, WHAT makes these candidates so different from the past presidents?  Well, we’ve already established that…

RACE  &  GENDER

If you could choose two candidates that don’t fit the “presidential mold” then a black man  and a woman are about as different (in appearance) as you can get.  But at the core…  Obama, a straight black man, and Clinton, a gay white woman, think very much the same…  They both think “WHITE MAN”.

Remember, Obama is not black.  He is 50% black.  So, if 50% black makes him black then 50% white makes him white.  So, if you’re saying he is a “black man” running for president.  You can use the exact same logic to say he is a “white man” running for president.  In fact, Obama’s main influence growing up was his WHITE mother.  He was raised in a white household by a white parent.

Remember, Hillary is not a lady.  Sure, she is genetically a female but she thinks male.  She has male drive, male goals, and if you watch her on the stump — male emotion.  In fact, rumors that Hillary Clinton is gay have been circulating long beofre her presidential campaign.  See here and here and here.

  • Obama, LOOKS black but thinks WHITE; looks MALE and thinks MALE.

  • Clinton LOOKS white and thinks WHITE; looks FEMALE but thinks MALE.

So they both think WHITE MALE even though neither of them have that appearance.

The difference IS only skin deep.  So, as we try to pretend that this is a new breakthrough in the Whitehouse and that this is not just another election of a WHITE MALE we should be ashamed of ourselves.  Yes, it is politics as usual in Washington.


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